i could die tonight

From 7/19/2004

I’ve lost control
Given it up
Moved willingly into the tempest
I am rising and falling on the stormy ocean waves
Far from shore
Chaos surrounds me
Drowns me with its energy
I drink it in
And relax into the loss of my organized self
‘I could die’ I say with a smile
Feeling a dangerous satisfaction
Daring death to come and get me
‘I could die a happy girl tonight’
Drop down into the deep water
Sink slowly to the bottom and
Lie peacefully among the coral and seaweed
Why struggle with the waves when
There is rest in surrender?
I let go
Close my eyes
Move willingly into the darkness
Let the night decide to take or leave me
Tomorrow I will wash onto dry land or
Remain a milky white ghost
Sleeping on the ocean floor